I've spent most of my adult life working in high stress positions. Long hours. Long days. Long on responsibility. As I prepared to retire, I wanted to something for me. Check off a box on that bucket list we all have. Release a book, so I would never regret having not tried.  I like to call me in the camp of older authors "Playing make a wish before they can't play anything." There are no words to describe how it felt when I hit release on The Girl on the Half Shell, or the awareness that sales meant someone was finally reading my work when I'd never permitted anyone to read any of it. Dozens of books dozens of years alone writing for me.

Then the unthinkable happened, I learned how the business worked. If I wanted people to read the work--and yes, that was the drug driving me, not dollars. Hell, I'm old. What the heck am I going to do with money?--so I learned the business of Indie publishing when this was never supposed to be work.

My typical day for the last two years has gone something like this:
1.First thing  start the daily tweet.
2. Start the Facebook blog posting
3. answer reader and other emails.
4. Say hello to husband and start my first pot of coffee of the day.
5. Write from 9 a.m. to 5 a.m. every day but Sunday or days I travel. Usually on average 5K words in a half dozen open works in progress.
6. The dreaded check for reviews Amazon/Goodreads, to see what books have changed status in where I can advertise them.
Roll into the mix- having a marriage, having daughters, having a grandson, trying to expand my market presence, trying, trying, trying...yep, that's where I am. Trying Trying Trying phase after 2 years.

Don't get me wrong. I've loved every minute of it and am so grateful to those of you who share your precious time with my work. I just didn't think it would be work or that I'd spend more days looking like swamp thing than getting dress.

It is expensive to release a book--outside of the time an author dedicates to the work, there's dollars, and it makes me sad that so many people criticize a book's cost even at 99cents or like to put in a jab that an author is greedy for creating series and seriels when the rewards of writing have nothing to do with money--so there in lines the rub I face every day.

Do I change what I do and how I do it, my fictional universe, because people think that's "Lazy". You read my books. Are they the project of a lazy writer?

What to charge, what to put a book into, KU or all sales channels, and budgeting what I can release based on the obligations for my sales dollars. And there are many: taxes, and the anywhere for 2-6 people I employee every month. Yep, I run my book business like a jobs program. Zero profit maximum employment. Remember, I'm old what am I going to do with money. And lets face it, I'm a type A. Hard-work and responsibility are in my DNA, and heck, my little social causes are there as well. I am forever proud that my meager talent is such that I can afford to provide jobs to amazing young people who hustle and work every day chasing their dreams.

It's nice to know I lived my dreams:  I've met, loved, married and shared my life with the love of my life, my amazing husband Randy. I have wonderful daughters. I got to have a grandchild. I've gotten to travel. I have good people in my life. 

I wake up every feeling I still have purpose. It would be easy to lose that in the hard work and the unkind things people sometimes say. But do what you love, do it how you love it, and let everything else go. My motto. It's been working OK thus far in my life. It brought me here to a new phase where I've met so many wonderful people.

There is nothing left to do after a lifetime of work than to give back. So among the many things I feel when someone purchases from me one of my book, it's enormous pleasure that I can pay it forward so someone else might have their dream. I wish people could remember that when they are critical that an author charges for their work. Or worse, when readers put you on a pirate site becaue they've decided to give your work away for free.

As ever I wish you Peace.

I find myself in a situation, not of my making, but frustrating. It involves an anthology I participated in--and don't read anything into  this, there are no villains, this one just exists in the world of shit happens--and having to go through a major hassle to get my rights verified with Amazon(yes, Amazon is a mini-villain in this) and because of how the anthology organizer set it up it's been a giant hassle. The book is a first book in a small novella series, a series I don't expect to be highly profitable, and I definitely don't want to invest money to untangle the knot created by the anthology organizer. But make no mistakes: the rights to Holly are my own, the anthology organizer confirmed that to Amazon, it's just Amazon upon receipt of that document won't confirm that the issue is resolved and the last thing you want is to publish if Amazon's position is the rights are not resolved. So that pretty much left me with  two choice: spend big bucks on an intellectual property rights attorney because Amazon is unresponsive to authors, and this series isn't worth investing big bucks in. Or shit can the series, even though I've already invested money in the covers and the editing.

So what is an author to do?

It's just a fun little side story, to run parallel with the Locked & Loaded series, and those of you who read all my series know the significance  of a parallel series in my writing world, so I have decided, why not just give the first book away free. Perma free via my website. Hell, I could just perma free the entire series and I just might. I've already spent the money to create the series and if Amazon requires me to spend more money to untangle the rights to the first book, then I won't make any money anyway. Yep, Perma Free through my website.

This series is not for everyone. I don't recommend it to everyone. It is, however, something you'll want to read if you are planning to read the Locked & Loaded Series. It will give you little funny, aha, moments in the final book in Locked & Loaded if you know everything about Jena.

So sign up. Let me know you're preference. Mobi or epub. I just testing interest now, but if all goes well, I'll send you book one within the next few weeks, and maybe the next five as I release them.

WARNING: Do not read if you’re not into psychological erotica, graphic sex with a hint of quirky, F/F or F/F/M or M/M/F intimate encounters, and storylines with endings you will not expect.

Jena was Holly’s best friend when they started high school. By graduation, Holly avoided Jena at all cost. Their friendship had become confusing, the emotions so complex—and at times unnerving—that Holly couldn’t even risk being near Jena.

Six years later, unhappily married Holly is thrown together with Jena at a bachelorette party. Was forbidden desire beneath their unsettling friendship all along? And will Holly surrender at last to Jena’s pursuit?

The Encounter Series comprises six short, steamy reads continuing the story of a female CIA operative making the moves in the field and between the sheets with an unwitting housewife she seduces into assisting on a special undercover operation to stop a terrorist cell. This series crosses over into the Locked & Loaded Series.

MATURE READERS ONLY: graphic sexual content, adult language, and may contain low-key triggers for some readers.

But I live in a world where the glass is always half full. Sort of like my characters in the Parker Saga. I knew crossing over into a new genre, with readers not familiar with how I construct a story or a series, I would get some people who not yet used to how I build the lives of my MC's in my fictional universe and probably not like it. In this darker moment, where some of you are really hating me today, I always remember my dear Ana Marie, who read, The Girl on the Half Shell, gave me a blistering review, and ended up devouring all 4 Half Shell books & the 2 Sand and Fog books and ended it, with writing in her review of Broken Crown, "I had issues with Alan. I confess, I wanted to smack the living daylights out of him more than a few times, but then I get his POV and now I am actually considering begging for his forgiveness on bended knee for all the explicit remarks I yelled at him as I read the first books.Talk about one hell of a bad boy who needs to be rescue ASAP...Alan Mazone consider me your devoted gruppie from now on...... " Ana hated Alan, hated the first book, and now she loves the books and Alan.

For the readers new to my writing, I'm a journey not a snack. You are not getting dessert in a single dose of a story. It's what my readers have come to expect, it's how I believe love works--well, true, sustaining love--and everything flips in Susan's world once the other character POVs tie in. And yes, I freely admit at times my characters are epic, their world dramatic, and filled with impossible blended with the ordinary. But always woven through my tales are basic truths about love and life...well, the basic truths I've learned.

I've found an interesting trend with The Manny: readers who have read my Half Shell and Sand & Fog books, love Graham Carson. They got to know him first in The Girl of Sand and Fog, his character, his steadfastness, and his unrelenting common sense and kindness in how he dealt with Kaley.

I've also found that I am an acquired taste as an author, but that's because I learned long ago the person the world sees is rarely the person we are inside and that's what I do with my characters. It would be so much easier, probably happier and more profitable, to write characters and a story in a proven for success  way, but that wouldn't be me and that wouldn't be honest for me--well, not honest the way I've experienced the journey called life. And that is what I'm doing, writing what I've learned of life, in an epic fictional universe.

The Manny has been my strongest first 3 days of a release ever. It's #3 Amazon US LGBT Lit, and #1 Gay Fiction in the UK. The readers( probably just my steadfast Parker Universe readers) are continuing onward reading the second book Pistol Whipped, which I released without promotion and just let it saunter out into the market place, and 7 days later it's on 3 top 100 Amazon lists.

I should probably be happy, The Manny is selling well and the second book in the series is starting to pickup,  but I'll be honest, I'm as fragile as the next gal. It would be nicer if you loved me. But today....OY. But I'm a tough bird. I raised a house full of girls. Boy they hated me some days and some days I was the best mommy in the world. So I'm holding tight to my mantra that used to say inside my head while raising teenagers: Susan, if they don't love you today, they'll love you tomorrow.

And I'm too far in releasing my Parker Universe to change the way I unfold a story.

So for those of you who are not pleased with The Manny, I'm sorry I disappointed you. I told the story the only way I know how.

For those of you who enjoy this long journey we're taking in my fictional universe, thank you so much for the kind notes, and continuing on with me in each new book.

But to both those who like my work, how I tell and story, and hate my work, how I tell a story, thank you so very much for giving me a chance between the pages of one of my books. I'm still overwhelmed that anyone would take time to spend time with me in a book. I appreciate both the praise and the criticism. Both of them make me work harder. Both of them are necessary for life to be all that it should: fun, heartbreaking, sad, joyful, happy and moments of agony...Oh wait, that's the Parker Universe and the Lock & Loaded series won't be different.

As ever I wish you Peace.

What did I learn? That as long as I'm in the Indie publishing market I won't ever truly understand the market. I released 2 books this week: Pistol Whipped on the 13th and The Manny this morning. Same series. Same theme. One heterosexual bodyguard and one gay. Pistol Whipped has just kind of laid there since release day. It limped out of digital world. It's still just lying there saying, Oh please give me a chance! The Manny is going to be my strongest release day ever:
No 1 Hot New Release LGBT
No 5 bestselling LGBT
No 45 bestselling Sagas
No 79 Bestselling romance.... and that's all before I've finished my first pot of coffee on a lazy Sunday Morning.  I think even surpassing Broken Crown.

I think what I've learned is a simple truth: Write what I love, release it, success is fleeting, failure at times unavoidable, and never forget why I write. I was chatting with the Amazing Rachel Blaufeld yesterday.(Her amazing book Redemption Lane is 99cents today) My go to girl for uplift and wise words. Every Indie author needs another author they trust and respect when things aren't going well to pull you from the ledge. I made a joke: I should market t-shirts that say  Be happy and live.

So long as the life you are living is your own, be happy and live regardless of how the chips fall.

Thank you to everyone who is making this a better day and giving this old gal a chance by reading my first gay romance novel...but definitely not my last. I like the genre.

And as ever, I wish you Peace.

Still 99cents until Amazon fixes it:
NO 1 Hot New release LGBT
NO 5 Bestseller LGBT
No 45 Bestseller Saga
No 79 Bestseller Romance:
.✫*¨*.¸¸Release Blitz: The Manny*¨*.¸¸.✶
The Manny just went live. I love Graham Carson. One of my favorite characters. I hope you do to. Amazon>>> http://amzn.to/1Qn6pgl
Universal Amazon Buy Link>>>getBook.at/TheManny




People are always asking me that, unless they put it bluntly and go, "Have you lost your mind?" I'm getting a bit of that with my new series I'm waiting for buy links from Amazon on; The Encounter Series. I don't understand why my friends ask me that. Like FF Erotica Parody Spy Thrillers are not permissible to publish because I usually write new adult romance. What's wrong with having a Predatory , bi-sexual spy with the code name Lotta Lovelace chasing after drug cartels for the CIA?

OK, OK. I've been an Indie Author long enough to know why they ask me that. It doesn't matter how careful you are--like putting the definition of parody in an Author's Note in the front of the book--or that a little humor only makes the sex hotter or that the sex scenes reviewers have called, "hot, erotic, and enough to turn anyone bi." It doesn't even matter that the strongest way for someone say something is with humor. A reader will get angry at it, and let me know.

But none of that matters. I know. I'm emotionally prepared. It's how it works. Someone, somewhere, is going to ignore the warnings included in the blurb and the definition of parody and be annoyed that I've spun a humorous story around Jena and Holly.  But I believe  some of the greatest truths of human existence and sexuality are tucked inside comedies. Well, Shakespeare did it, and NO, I'm not comparing myself to him, I'm just saying I'm a fan of the art form.

In the world we live in we all need a laugh from time to time. These six flirty and humorous reads fit into the larger picture of the fictional world I'm creating.  A few days ago Bono testified before congress and said to solve the terrorism problem we should send them our comics. Now, I wouldn't go that far. But to lighten the grimness of the times we live it humor is our last hope to retain sanity.

At least I think so.

As ever, I wish you peace.

RELEASING SOMEDAY(Amazon has me stuck in Review. I wonder why?)
Holly: The Encounter Series, Episode One:

WARNING: Do not read if you’re not into psychological erotica, graphic sex with a hint of quirky, F/F or F/F/M or M/M/F intimate encounters, and storylines with endings you will not expect.

Jena was Holly’s best friend when they started high school. By graduation, Holly avoided Jena at all cost. Their friendship had become confusing, the emotions so complex—and at times unnerving—that Holly couldn’t even risk being near Jena.

Six years later, unhappily married Holly is thrown together with Jena at a bachelorette party. Was forbidden desire beneath their unsettling friendship all along? And will Holly surrender at last to Jena’s pursuit?

The Encounter Series comprises six short, steamy reads continuing the story of a female CIA operative making the moves in the field and between the sheets with an unwitting housewife she seduces into assisting on a special undercover operation to stop a drug cartel. This series crosses over into the Locked & Loaded Series.

MATURE READERS ONLY: graphic sexual content, adult language, and may contain low-key triggers for some readers.

Someone once asked me why I still do this--write and release books. I'm not known for the big bang release days.  I'm certainly not having one today. I'm happy if I make an Amazon top 100 genre list. What I usually say to people wondering why I'm still doing the book thing even though I don't have success how most authors measure success, I say, "I'm a tortoise not a hare." And it's true, it's true. My books don't rocket out on release date. They sort of walk with presence, like me, and enough of you pick them up along the way, that it all somehow works out OK.

I'll never be an author on NYT or USA today bestseller list. Hell, I won't ever be THAT author with a page full of reviews on their Amazon book on the day released.  But I would argue that I am probably one of the happiest Indie Authors out there. I write what I want to write. Getting to share my work is an amazing high. I'm living each day an experience that would have been unthinkable a decade ago. And oh, on a really good day, I get a kind note or comment from a reader.

Each instance I know a reader has spent time with me on their kindle within the pages of one of my books, is still a magical moment.  I'm too old for great highs and too old to see lows. Every day doing what I love is amazing.

As ever, I wish you peace, and thank you all for the amazing two years you've given me.

Well, the last three months have been full of lessons. Some good, some bad, and some well that's just how it is. I'm almost to my 2 year anniversary mark as an indie author, you'd think there wasn't a lot left to learn. But there is, there is! The anthology thing. Definite learning curve. It has good points and bad points, but if you are an author who lives and survives by Kindle Unlimited, be cautious and think through if you want to do it.  I'm in a holding pattern putting a book into KU because it was part of an anthology that hasn't been pulled from every distribution site. Secondly, Taking down time and not releasing for a while. An unhappy lesson, since Indies survive on release, release, release strategy. 6 months not releasing a title--though I did do 3 anthologies--you wouldn't think it would impact the momentum of  my little business, but it did. After all, books-cars, no different. Everyone want to experience the next new shiny thing, and jeez, so much talent pops up out of no where, so why wouldn't they.

I hit release this morning and it's raining in Sacramento so I'm sitting inside by the fire and visiting my favorite family, the Parkers. I'm at that part in Comfortable Quiet where Alan flies home with Chrissie and Kaley, and Kaley says "I didn't do good listening." in a British accent, and it makes me think of the lovely British man and his daughter Shell-bell and I met at JFK in June 2015. The second the man replied, "And why were you not doing good listening," how charming they were made Shelly and I just smile and laugh and I knew, yep, I'm using this delightful moment for Alan. I wish I could find the man, just to tell him he made it into a book because he and his daughter were genuinely charming. Authors write charming characters, but you don't always meet them in real life, so it was a wonderful unexpected 2 hour layover in New York.

I've gotten around to writing a blurb for Ethan, my 4th Sand & Fog book,  and a blurb is about the only outline I do for my story, so I'm feeling excited about getting on writing that one. Slowly finishing Jack in the edit process. And i'am rolling out bit by bit The Girl in the Mirror, Krystal's story.  Trying to get my stamina back, to write more each day, and get back to finishing my fictional universe. Being ill so long; who knew it would steam roll the creative process?

It's not always easy to get the stories out, even when you know the story you want to tell and they are written start to finish in your head. I guess that's the most important thing I've learned in my 3 months downtime. Even clear on what I want to write, it's not always easy.

As ever I wish you all Peace.

PS- I still have my 99 cent sales going on:
The Half Shell Series
The Manny
Pistol Whipped

And the prices are changing soon, so don't miss out on the current preorder sale.

Does anyone else still get that feeling when they are about to hit release? I kind of thought by now it would go away. This is the 18th time through the hyper-paranoid, suddenly afraid, oh gosh what have I done just before the release moment. It should be easier. I actually have people now who read the work before it goes out--well, other than my editor.

Part of the benefit to having done some anthologies is that it forced me into the ARC--advanced read copy--ritual that most authors enjoy. I hate it. That pesky voice in my head can be so annoying even with positive feedback.

The worst me--the me inside me that no one sees--says things like this: It doesn't matter that Jane said is was fucking hot or a marvelous read, she's just being nice.  She probably hated it. Who is going to say something rude to a granny.

Ah, hello. Like lots of people. Believe it or not there are many people who, after reading your book, don't give a damn that you are a mild mannered, slightly neurotic, grandmother writer who just happens to write gritty and raw, angst ridden coming-of-age novels; erotica; m/m romance; and oh, a psychological lesbian erotic thriller.

Yep, granny gets around in the genres.

There will be glowing reviews, bad review, wrong reviews, and a few I won't even understand. It's the nature of the beast.

OK, strike my earlier question. I'd have to be insane not to have a moment of Susan don't do it.

As I approach my two year anniversary of being an Indie Author--and yes folks it's been nearly two years we've been together--that panic, that thrill, that fear, that rush is all part of what makes this an amazing journey. For anyone who knows me, it's truly extraordinary that I'm willing to make myself vulnerable and say judge me. I've learned alot each and every time I hit release. A lot about me.  And this journey is not always rich with reward. It isn't always rich with praise. But hell, I always feel supercharged and it isn't dull.

What more can you ask in life?

As ever I wish you peace.

Oh, and grab Pistol Whipped while it's still 99cents. The price goes up real soon:

SCORCHING HOT ‪#‎NewRelease #military #romance. Only ‪#‎99cents!
An Ex-Special Forces Officer turned Bodyguard
A woman he can’t forget
And a past he can’t remember….
 
 
Hot New Bodyguard Romance
 
This bad boy you’ll want for your own. One Click Now>>>>ttp://getBook.at/PistolWhipped 

I'm releasing on Sunday, and I've started my party. I've got my favorite series, all four books of The Half Shell Series, on 99cents Kindle Countdown starting any second now. Since I'm releasing 3 times this month, I'm also going to have a whole bunch of first come first serve Kindle giveaways on Amazon. Yep, even my new releases because, not only it this a big release month for me, I'm closing in on my two year anniversary of being an Indie.

For the freebies, there is only 2 ways to know-because they are first come first serve--follow my author page on Amazon or sign up for my newsletter.

I'm very excited about my 2 new series launching this month. The Locked & Loaded Series, with Pistol Whipped and The Manny. My new super hot bodyguard collection. And the Encounters Series, about F/F CIA Operative. And in the final book of each of these series, they crossover for a Susan Ward OMG I didn't expect that kind of moment.

i had a reader ask me why I'm drifting off the path of rock stars romance. Ah--I'm not. All my characters exist in the Parker Universe so you get a healthy dose of your favorite couples--Kaley & Bobby, Alan & Chrissie, Jack & Linda-- and if you're reading the entire Parker Saga you know there is nothing I do that is random. What may be seen as a random release is a puzzle piece in the giant fictional universe I'm creating. Remember what happened with the Novella Rewind. I can't tell you how many readers e-mailed me to let me know, "Nope, didn't see that coming. Brilliant."

So as I add more pieces to the puzzle of the overall story, the story that is made with each and every series I release, stay with me folks as I take roads you don't expect. It is my hope at the end of constructing this giant fictional mural of love, innocence, loss, lust, lies, betrayal, and forever, that as I release the final book, the final piece, someone will read and say, OMG, I get it.

Thank you for being wonderful readers and as ever I wish you peace.

Today on Amazon 99Cents
The Girl on the Half Shell
The Girl of Tokens & Tears
The Girl of Diamonds & Rust
The Girl in the Comfortable quiet
The Manny
Pistol Whipped