Spending 2 years in the chemo ward with a loved one is where the epiphany came. As bad as my lot was, it wasn't this. Watching the women with breast cancer were the worst. Treatments less specific. Heartbreaking just to watch, and as awful as it was to sit beside my husband, because you do fear that the one you love won't be among the 95% survivors until someone tells you they are, I thanked God every day that it wasn't worse. He stayed healthy, strong, him through the entire 2 years.
So, when we were done whatever ruminant need to chase the negative was gone in me. I've been ill five months this time, but I think the change in me is unshakable because from time to time people going through their own rough crap let me know, "Susan you're enthusiasm and sunny outlook is irritating." Smile--I don't tell people when I'm ill any more, I just live with it, until I feel strong enough to run out and enjoy living again because this too shall pass.
I live by a really simple creed I've had since the days in the chemo ward:
1. Do the things you love, big and small, profitable or not profitable, practical or impractical.
2. Love your loved ones like its your last day together.
3. Don't sweat the little things.
4. Treat everyone you cross paths with like they are fragile and easy to hurt.
5. Treat every goal like it's the last minute of the Superbowl. My husband is so amused by my determination on my free download days for The Signature. After watching the fireworks last night I found out I was #32 free romance in Germany and #40 free download in romanced in India. That made me ridiculously happy, that I could still push the ball forward as not on my game as I am these days. I don't get anything for it accept the challenge of trying to accomplish it!
6. And when I get that impulse to be less positive, to make my life more a complicated mess so I have something to complain about, I remind myself: Life is good if you let it be...